Originally posted: March 11th, 2014
Auntie: “Guess what Colin and I had for lunch today”
Apoorva: “How am I supposed to guess?”
Auntie: “It’s something Colin really likes.”
Apoorva: “Chicken and pasta! Pancakes! Maple syrup!” *Auntie laughs* “What!? He loves maple syrup. He’ll eat anything with maple syrup on it”
Day 13 in Hindustan and I still haven’t met Shraddha Kapoor yet. What is going on? Where is she? Bombay probably. Don’t worry I’m keeping my eyes peeled. If you don’t know who she is, she’s a Bollywood star and she is up there with Shakira, Michelle Jenneke, and Greek’s cousin on the list of people Colin wants to take out to dinner. If you don’t know about Bollywood, it is basically the Vinny Chase to Hollywood’s Johnny Drama. For those of you too lazy to google search this woman, BAM! Faced.
Shraddha Kapoor from Aashiqui 2, a good but depressing movie I watched on the plane over here. Apoorva told me I’d have a shot with her if I ever met her. She might have been lying, but she insisted she wasn’t. I’ll take it.
Yesterday was a pretty awesome day! I woke up and took a autorick to the metro and headed towards central Delhi. When I got in one dude’s auto another auto driver came up and started yelling at him about how I was HIS passenger. They fought over me briefly, which was ten percent alarming and the rest entertaining. Soon enough I was on the metro. I was in the front of the second car in the train, which meant I was just behind the all-female compartment. On every train in every line of the Delhi metro, the first car is designated female only, I think for comfort and safety purposes of the women passengers. It looked so calm and not very congested compared to every other packed compartment, so I often caught myself wishing I could go stand (or even sit, what a thought) in that one. Oh well
The first car in every train on every metro in Delhi is designated the sexist compartment.
Fresh outta the metro, I made my way to the Shangri La Eros Hotel in Delhi to meet up with step-friend and former co-worker Margot in the lap of luxury. We chatted poolside, I went for a swim***, and then we went for a walk around Delhi before retreating from the heat to the penthouse restaurant back at her hotel. It was a good time catching up and trading travel stories, but I had to leave before long due to plans to go ice skating.
***Apoorva’s reaction upon finding out: “You went for a swim!? In this weather???” – It was nearing 80º, which is frigid to people here
Wait, what? Ice skating in Delhi? I found myself an hour later in a mall with Apoorva and Vedanti getting tickets to go ice skating. The rink was about a quarter the size of a normal hockey rink but I was too excited to care. I had been trying to go ice skating in the US for about a month before I left but some people just always flake out or can’t do the same days as you and whoopty-do, it never happened. The skates, it turns out, were not sharp. They were completely flat across the bottoms…. There was no hollow and no real edges, and you could slide laterally across the ice on them. Oh well. Threw the bad boys on and hit the ice for some good old fashioned skating. Because of the skates, it was difficult until I got used to the ‘no grip on the edges’ feel. I was cracking up the whole time because it turns out the idea that most people know how to ice skate is something I took for granted back in the US of A. Out of the 100-200 or so Indians on the ice, maybe ten had ever skated before by the looks of it. At least 60% did not leave the boards the whole time, and a slow line of narps hobbled tenderly around the edge, one hand on the boards at all times. Can’t really blame them, seeing as how they’re in Delhi, but they should stick to cricket.
Check this picture homies and homiettes. You KNOW this dude’s about to wtfo. If your acronym game isn’t as raw as mine, here’s a hint: that last one starts with Wipe.
I guess I can’t really judge though because A) I don’t think ponds freeze over solid for the whole winter here and B) The skates did make it difficult to have any real control. Apoorva did much better than I expected, falling over only a few times, but I was proud of her cause she had the cajones to go pretty fast. Vedanti only ate it once, so it was a pretty successful day for everyone. The photographer for the rink had apparently never had a white person before either and, according to Vedanti, was trying to get photos of us as we skated for like 5 laps straight. At least I’m not Margot, who is whiter than I am and also a redhead – quite the indigenous Indian photographer’s dream. It was a fun time for all (except for the girl in the red shirt that concussed herself on the ice), and we left smiling. We came home, I introduced Vedanti to Kevin Hart, and we chilled for a while chatting and watching youtube before passing out.
Vedanti and I cruising past this grown ass tween girl who is wayyyyyyyy too old to still be using a penguin-ice-walker that’s designed for ages 3-6 #narpalert
BONUS CONTENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Throughout the day I keep notes of stuff I see and thoughts I think in my phone. Here are some things. Many are sweeping generalizations I’ve made about an entire culture based on my experiences with as few as, well, one person.
– Indians: Unbelievable at balancing things on their heads. #IndianThings
– Apoorva’s first word was sausages. High pitched talking to baby voice: “What do you want for breakfast Apoorva!?!”
“Chachuges!”
– Question: What do dance, Tae Kwon Do, piano, and violin all have in common? Answer: THE DAILY DOUBLE! Apoorva learned all of them. (She was just a yellow belt, so it doesn’t really count)
– I parallel parked Apoozle’s car. With the wheel on the right side. In a spot she couldn’t get into. Apoorva’s a really good driver so I was quite proud of myself. Shut up.
– Don’t worry Mom, I’m still not married.
– Indians love presenting their restaurant checks in odd, fancy, or creative ways #IndianThings – Examples so far: Bill in a pinecone, bill on a dish, bill on a plate, more bills on dishes, bill in a cookie tin, bill in a bowl of coffee beans. I can’t wait to go to new restaurants and see how our bill is delivered next!
– Indians love conspicuous consumption. #IndianThings
– Piggybacking that last one: Watches. The bigger the better over here. There are no girls watches. Girls wear mens watches, men wear straight up clocks on their wrists.
– I’ve asked the question “What comes to mind when you think of America?” to Apoorva and her friends. Responses included 1) barbecue all day 2) guns 3) basements 4) Abe Lincoln 5) fried food 6) fat people ………”basements?” – “Yeah, everyone in America has a basement. We don’t have basements here.”
– I asked them to speak in an American accent, and it was hilarious… Instead of getting what all the Americans I know sound like, I got about 65% Valley Girl accent “Like omg, we’re totally going to the MALLL laterrrr” and 35% southern accent “We fry evryTHANG”
– Indians think Harleys are really cool #IndianThings
– Apoorva confirmed for me today that yes, India does have rabbits. Just checking #IndianThings
Totally unrelated, this was in my suggested links on youtube. What? What the heck is the Monkey Man? Should I be concerned?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q6gUFs9fIu8#t=327
Goodnight Readership